Update

So many of you know that I had decided to start a life journey. While I have not completely followed it how I said I would, I have learned a lot about myself and about life in this short month. I have decided to stop stressing over the future and that alone has lifted a huge burden off me. I have also stopped living in the past. I have done that for as long as I can remember. Its hard not to do, when a lot of things can easily bring it back up. I am doing my best a living just for today and yes I still have my days where I just want to do nothing but lay in bed and cry but I can't do that. I hate thinking that I have wasted so much of my time and energy on things that don't deserve it. I recently received a call from my father who I had for the first time gotten close to, he left me a voice mail and you could tell he was drunk. He said (and I apologize for the horrible language) "Julia you want to be an adult well then fine its the time truth came out I am not even your real dad so if you want to talk to your real dad I will give you the information and leave me the fuck alone, because I am not even your real dad." and then at the end you could tell he though he had hung up but he hadn't and he was talking to someone and said " I don't give a fuck, fuck her". Something that would have completely shattered me in the past, has not effected me to that extent. Obviously it hurt and it still does, but I have handled it a lot better than I as well as others expected me to. I guess the point in telling you all that is life is going to throw things your way, your going to be in situations you don't like and your going to have people walk in and out of your life. Which is what I think is part of the beauty of life. Not all the pain that we have to go through but that nothing is ever completely set in stone. As cliche as that may sound its so true, if you don't like something then change it. We have to ability to do anything we set our minds to and yes sometimes rough things are going to happen that you can't change but you can choose to look at it a different way. Like the whole situation with my dad, to me I didn't lose a  dad I didn't lose anything but years and years of hurt. While sure I am still upset that someone could say something so vicious and mean to someone who is suicidal, its his loss because I am a great person. So if there is only one thing you get from this let it be that nothing is ever set in stone, and the more you try to stay positive even in the hardest and darkest of times (because there is always something positive) you will live a much happier life. Until next time.

Julia.