Sticky situations

Sometimes you are around people you love and they do stupid things. Tonight I was asleep in my best friends apartment and I awoke to a funny smell , when I actually was awake enough to realize what was going on I called my mom to come get me. They had been smoking weed and to some of you that may seem like no big deal. To me that is a huge deal. I have so much going for me in my future and I don't plan on ruining that for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Because even if I wasn't doing it I would still be going to jail just for being there. For me I was worried to call my mom at first because it was 3 am and she has to get up to go to work in only a few short hours. But she was very glad and proud of me that I called her and got myself out of the situation. Its hard to tell your best friend that you don't want to be at her house and that you won't be going back over there for a long time. She didn't see a problem with what she was doing but she also didn't care about how i was feeling all she had to say was this is my house and ill do what ever i want to do. In saying that she told me that she doesn't care about how her best friend felt. Anyways I guess what I am trying to say is that even if someone is your best friend don't be scared to let them know when they are doing things they shouldn't be but also don't be afraid to call your parents in sticky times like these. I don't know how your parents are but I though my mom would be furious that I called her at the time that I did but really she just kept telling me how proud of me she was. If you don't think you can call your parents call a friend and have them come get you. If you don't want to hurt your friends feelings then step aside to call you parents and when you walk back tell them that your mom/dad or whoever is coming to get you because they want you home or come up with a different excuse as long as it is believable. But if you don't want to be there because they are doing things they shouldn't be do whatever it takes to get out of the situation. Like I walked home at 5 am from my friends apartment one night because they were doing things that I didn't want to be around. Granted I only live about a half hour walk away from there. I guess what I am trying to say is besides get yourself out of situations like that. I want you all to know that your not alone when it comes to not wanting to drink underage or smoke illegal substances even if all your friends are doing it. Because it doesn't make you cool , it doesn't make you anything but stupid. And I am sorry if have offended anyone that does that kinda stuff. Actually no im not , any who I hope that what I have said can help at least one of you have the courage to do the right thing.

Love you all
xoxoxo

crazy twist

So while I was in North Carolina I got very home sick for Indiana and somethings happened that caused me to move back to Indiana and I though I would have been really happy when I got back here. While its great to be able to see my old friends again I honestly really miss NC. In the 6 weeks I was there it had really become my home I had made new friends and had gotten new family members. I kinda wanna go back there because I miss everyone so much and honestly its hard being away from all my friends and very one there expecally because I didn't get to say goodbye to anyone. If I could go back with out hurting my mom I probably would. But knowing how much it would hurt my mom I just can't do it. Im hoping to get a job soon and hopefully get a car soon so I can drive back and visit everyone. Its kind of crazy though because I come back to where I though I wanted to and end up missing the place I came from. I felt more at home there then I ever have here. I guess it will go away sooner or later , but like I said I really hope I can go back and visit here soon because I miss my family and friends there.

Love you all
xoxoxo

Not so sure

I feel home sick , very very homesick. I know I will get over it but right now its really hard I miss my mom I miss my friends and heck I even miss one of my old teachers who was more like a second mom then a teacher. Im not so sure why now and all of a sudden I feel so homesick but I do. Im going to make myself power through it though and suck it up. Its probably going to be hard but I know I can do it. I promised myself that I would make myself stay here until at least Christmas so thats what I am going to do and then if I still miss home this much then I'll go back. Im hoping that this is just a little phase because I love it here. I love the people and the atmosphere , I love the opportunity I have in front of me. I love my family here who has been so welcoming and loving towards me. Maybe its because the only friends I have are pretty much the ones I live with or maybe its just because I can't stop looking at every ones Facebook from back home. Maybe its because I have stopped drinking and am just constantly thinking about things. What ever it is I hope I figure it out. I am currently looking for a new full time job because my 3 hour a night job isn't really working out and isn't going to get me to where I want to be. I want to start going back to church , I want to find a church that fits me and go there. I want to try and find somewhere that will let me do something with youth groups. Because that is my automate goal and dream for life is to become a youth pastor. I think I just need to find things that will help me fill up my time here instead of just sitting around the house all day and doing nothing. I have wanted to be independent and on my own for a long time now..But now part of me is thinking that I am not ready for that yet. I love it here and I can not say that enough times I really can't I just have a lot of praying and thinking to do. I know God will lead me in the right direction if I let him , so I have a lot of praying to do. But a huge part of me knows that I am going to stay because I just love it so much here. Well thats all for tonight

Love you all
xoxoxo

Life

Sometimes in life we do things that we later regret , things we don't understand why we do it. And sometimes things just happen with no explanation. Well last night was one of those times for me. I was out partying with some friends and I'm not sure why but when we got home I just sat down by myself to think and I felt Gods presence and felt him telling me that this is not what I am supposed to be doing. Immediately I started bawling and just praying and praying and praying. I asked a few people to pray with me but no one would so I just prayed some more by myself. Everyone kept telling me I was just being emotional because of the alcohol but I know I felt God. So I got my  journal and started writing a lot and read some of my bible because I just couldn't take the though of not having anyone listen to what I was trying to say because I was drunk. In all honesty yes I was drunk but I wasn't making that up. I still remember everything that happened last night. But anyways back to what I was saying. I just felt the weight of everything I have been doing wrong here lately and I couldn't hold onto it anymore. I have been away from God for so long and I'm still not sure why he chose last night instead of a normal day , but I have made a promise to myself and to God that I will not be drinking anymore. Because I know what I have been doing is wrong and for me wanting to be a youth pastor I know I can't be doing that kind of thing. So here I am now in this place not sure where I am going to go from here except for the fact that I know FOR SURE I will be going to church tomorrow even if I have to walk there myself. I have not actually been to church in about a year now and I'm finally ready to go back. Ive change a lot since I have moved here and mostly for the better but I'm not sure this realization would have come to me if I had not moved here. Well that is my latest update/adventure here. Hope I can soon tell you about the progress I plan on making.

Love you all
xoxoxo