change is a good thing.

I used to wake up every morning wishing I was dead. Never seeing a point to life, a point to try. Most days I just laid in bed all and just shut the world and everyone out. I lost some really good friends but I mean what else was new? everyone always walks out of my life. I can still vividly remember the last time I cut. I was living at a friends apartment and some events had happened and made me even more feel like I was never going to be good enough. My best friend walked in on me, and I scared her to death. She continually told me that she can't understand how you could hate your life so much that you would want to end it. But when you are constantly hurting death seems to be the best way out. I have not had an easily life by any means , in saying that I know there are people out there who have had it way worse then me. I would never try and say my struggles are harder than someone else because even if it seems not as bad to me as mine you have no idea how hard it was for them.

The change that has happened is I no longer wake up every day wishing I was dead. I still have my days but even my worst days now are not as bad as what my best days used to be. I have goals and I feel like I have a purpose. I can't say I haven't though about dying because that though doesn't just go away. I have learned to let God be my best friend because when you have no one else to talk to he is always there with open ears and open arms to hold you. (And he won't tell all your secrets if he gets mad at you). I don't know what changed but where I didn't used to be able to see a light at the end of an endless tunnel. I now see open fields and sun shine. as cliche as that may sound.

I now hope that one day I can be someone to give hope to people that feel hopeless , uncared about , and unloved. Because I have been there and felt that and its not something that I would ever want any other human being to feel. I don't wish my experiences on even my worst enemy. 


Love you all
xoxoxo