Not so sure

I feel home sick , very very homesick. I know I will get over it but right now its really hard I miss my mom I miss my friends and heck I even miss one of my old teachers who was more like a second mom then a teacher. Im not so sure why now and all of a sudden I feel so homesick but I do. Im going to make myself power through it though and suck it up. Its probably going to be hard but I know I can do it. I promised myself that I would make myself stay here until at least Christmas so thats what I am going to do and then if I still miss home this much then I'll go back. Im hoping that this is just a little phase because I love it here. I love the people and the atmosphere , I love the opportunity I have in front of me. I love my family here who has been so welcoming and loving towards me. Maybe its because the only friends I have are pretty much the ones I live with or maybe its just because I can't stop looking at every ones Facebook from back home. Maybe its because I have stopped drinking and am just constantly thinking about things. What ever it is I hope I figure it out. I am currently looking for a new full time job because my 3 hour a night job isn't really working out and isn't going to get me to where I want to be. I want to start going back to church , I want to find a church that fits me and go there. I want to try and find somewhere that will let me do something with youth groups. Because that is my automate goal and dream for life is to become a youth pastor. I think I just need to find things that will help me fill up my time here instead of just sitting around the house all day and doing nothing. I have wanted to be independent and on my own for a long time now..But now part of me is thinking that I am not ready for that yet. I love it here and I can not say that enough times I really can't I just have a lot of praying and thinking to do. I know God will lead me in the right direction if I let him , so I have a lot of praying to do. But a huge part of me knows that I am going to stay because I just love it so much here. Well thats all for tonight

Love you all
xoxoxo